The Matrix Dezionized

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[“Over The Hedge” poster art]I’m pretty sure that this film is illegal. But it’s bloody good.

The tag-line is ‘The True Sequel to The Matrix’. It’s a ‘fan edit’ of Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions, combined, with all the tedious/stupid bits taken out, and some of the ridiculous fight sequences edited down to slightly more reasonable lengths. In all, they’ve cut 120 minutes from the combined films (and added in a minute of footage from the original The Matrix).

This film’s very existance is a wonderful argument for reform of copyright law because, you see, you’re not supposed to be allowed to do this sort of thing. Copyright law prohibits it. There’s an odd notion called ‘Moral rights’ embedded in the Berne (International copyright) Convention, which says that creators of works have the right to say what can be done with them even if, as in this case, the original creators, the Wachowski brothers, were clearly out of their trees when they edited their second two Matrix movies, and this fan-edited version is by far a better film.

It’s not perfect. There are a couple of places, mostly noticeable in the musical score, where the cuts are less than perfect, but speaking as one who thought that Reloaded was shit, and therefore had less than no inclination to see the third one, I thoroughly enjoyed this version. You kind of need to have seen the original The Matrix, otherwise it doesn’t make much sense. I’m not sure that’s a bad thing, though.

So you won’t see The Matrix Dezionized in any shops; it’s not going to be on the telly, and the only way you will get to see it is if you throw your morality to the wind and break the law by illegally downloading it from the piratical, naughty Internet.

(Of course, I did think that “The Matrix Reedited” would have been a better title.)

Lies That Theatre People Tell

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Phrases which give your away your favourite luvvie for the shallow lier they really are:

“It’s a very wordy play, isn’t it? How do they manage to remember all these lines?”
what they mean: “My god, I was bored out my mind. That fucking play could have been cut to half its length and still been too long.”
“What this play needs now is an audience.”
what they mean: “What this cast needs is a kick up the arse. Maybe if they face the prospect of paying members of the public baying at them they might get their act together. Both acts, in fact.”
“It was very… good.”
what they mean: “It was godawful, but I can’t bring myself to say it to your face.” (Often followed by “It’s a very wordy play…”)

300

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[“300” poster art]For such a violent movie, I left the cinema feeling somehow serene.

It’s odd. My theatregoing companion claimed not to like violent movies, but nevertheless really enjoyed this film. 300 is full of decapitation, severed limbs, and a lovely scene where the Spartans are popping round after the battle spearing dead all the wounded enemy soldiers. In fact, the violence is pretty continuous. It never seems cheap, though, or exploitative.

It’s possibly a little sexually exploitative. The only two female characters spent most of their time topless… Though, come to think of it, all the male characters spent their time baring their buff bodies and wearing nothing much more than a codpiece and a cape. So there’s a fair case to be made that the bare flesh is there not for titillation, but for the same reason that greek statues spend all their time in the nuddy; to show off how superior and god-like they are.

One can’t help but think that the ancients would approve, actually. It’s very heroic, and very mythic. The bad guys are all ugly and deformed, and the good guys are all muscular and have perfect teeth. I can’t quite decide whether this is justifiable or simplistic and bigoted. But there is at least a kind of honesty in the film. It doesn’t make pretentions of being a historical account. It’s a mythologised account of history, writ large and writ beautiful.

It also looks spectacular. Every frame is a masterpiece. The colours are gorgeous, the composition is gorgeous. So you should probably make sure you see it in the cinema.

Now if the remake of Clash of The Titans is half as good as this, I will be impressed.

dysphoria.net Back (Again)

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Yeah, the wee server which was running dysphoria.net finally gave up the ghost at the very end of January (it was an ancient, recycled desktop machine and the disk—and probably most of the rest of it—was a bit dodgy) and I only got around to setting up its replacement tonight.

The replacement is a tiny, silent home server, about the size of a hard disk. I’m wondering if it’s up to the task now, since it doesn’t seem to be the fastest thing in the universe.

Anyway, I’m blogging again, and for that you can be thankful. Or whatever.