Category Archives: Bizarreness

Odd stuff

Robot Sex

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[Picture of two robots having sex. No kinky stuff involving humans here.] Some overpaid academic (not that I think that all academics are overpaid, but this one evidently is) is rolling out more trite ‘predictions’ about The Future. (Like Kevin Warwick, only less plausible). A choice quote:

It won’t only be people who are lacking a sexual partner. Some people will do it for curiosity, some for fun. If a wife says to the husband, ‘Not tonight, I’ve got a headache,’ she could then say, ‘Why don’t you make it with the robot.’ And, traditionally, women worry about their husbands when they go on business trips, but if he’s got his robot with him, he doesn’t need to go to a nightclub or a strip joint.
The Globe and Mail, Thursday 15 Nov 2007

So gentlemen, can you see your wife/significant-other/any-fucking-woman-at-all falling for that line?

Spam of the week

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I long ago stopped being excited that people were trying to spam this website (on the basis that it meant that somebody was paying attention to it), and nowadays it just annoys me. However, once in a while I receive a gem. This is such a gem:

From: gadodreassy
Date: 15 August 2007

hallo everybody users of site dysphoria.net I not so a long ago settled in Olivia and so, that I divided with dear a man, Pepper- David/Joanneson, and now try to find him, last that I know so it that he lives in citi, and often visits the resources of type your dysphoria.net, names on itself Janeporkon, if suddenly will see this nik write that this man wrote me . I very much I strongly test a boredom without socializing with this man.To reason wanted poblagodarit’ to the team of developments and web masters your resource. So to hold boys. Only little request of,sdelayte prepotent spam filter* and little by little begin ustavat’ from every there Viagra cowboy indian costumes http://XXXXXXXXX/baseball-player-costumes.html = > baseball player costumesstupid iq test

I think you will agree that it is less a work of spam; more a work of art. It’s a Finnegan’s Wake for the electronic generation (albeit shorter).

I have of course neutered the links, but I think you will agree that the raw potency of the language stands alone, a testament to dogged determination, Genuine College Degrees and impotence medication; a sign that Man’s need to market will always win out over technology, functional illiteracy and, let’s face it, manners.

I am, and remain, in awe.

* Delayte my potent spam filter? Not on your Nelly.

Hoff to Di: Get In My Car

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Apparently Princess Diana went weak at the knees and wet in the pants when she first met David Hasslehoff—and who can blame her?

“Did sparks fly when Diana met Hasselhoff?”, Daily Mail, 13 September 2006

I can do naught but admire both his rugged good looks, but also his increadible restraint.

The painful thing is, I can see the whole scene play out in my mind’s eye, like some kind of mash-up 1980s montage: the People’s Princess and Michael Knight, together, for one terrible, wonderful, forbidden night of increadibly kitchy love.

There would have been leopard-print bedspreads and Gucci handbags. His magnificent chest-hair would have glistened under the paperazzi flashbulbs as she giggled and blushed her way to climax.

Ah! What might have been!

Scientology versus…

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…The BBC

Panorama recently tried to do a documentary on whether Scientology still uses questionable practices on its adherents and critics. As they were making it, it inadvertently turned into a documentary about how Scientology relentlessly stalks investigative journalists who try to report upon it.

Cringe as blank-eyed cultists descend upon John Sweeney & crew, like sinister government agents upon a UFO contactee. It’s one of the creepiest things I’ve watched for a while. The whole thing is (currently) available on the BBC website, though some folk have kindly posted it to YouTube too:

Especially worthy of note is Scientology Media Control Operative, Tommy Davis, a man with dark glasses surgically implanted on his face to conceal the fact that he has no eyes. Tommy is the co-star in the bafflingly-unsuccessful Scientological media counterstrike to the BBC programme, a clip of the BBC man finally losing control and shouting at Tommy (after a week of Agent Tommy and his goons following them incessantly and gatecrashing all their interviews). What’s funny about the clip is that, though the ‘Church’ claim it shows Sweeney being unreasonable, it also quite clearly shows Tommy continuing the soulless tirade which triggered Sweeney’s raised voice, and seemingly oblivious to the British man attempting to shout sense in his face.

Anyway, of course, all this merely served to give Panorama probably the biggest ratings boost in its history and make the Scientologists look like a bunch of very paranoid bunnies indeed.

The Scientologists’ counter-documentary is on their website. (YouTube too.) Ironically, its extensive use of CCTV footage—not to mention their seeming ignorance of the notion that journalism sometimes includes ‘criticism’ and ‘hearing other points of view’—merely serves to bolster their position as fucking paranoid.

If you’re not already tired of the whole thing, you can read the BBC/John Sweeney take on it in The Sun (“Sorry for shouting… you creepy weirdos”), and The Guardian (“Panorama backs Sweeney episode”).

…South Park

It isn’t the first time that the tentacles of Scientology have reached out to smother an incisive news documentary. When South Park threatened them, for example the dark priests of Hubbard mobilised celebrity maddy Tom Cruise. By jumping on sofas and threatening not to promote Top Gun 3, the top Scientologist spokes-celebrity, apparently persuaded Paramount (who own Comedy Central) to not repeat the episode.

The bit explaining Scientology’s ‘Genesis Myth’ is only a minute or so long, and worth a watch even if you don’t like South Park. (Yes, it is what Scientologists actually believe. They also believe that your brain may explode if you absorb these secrets without the proper training. You have been warned.)

…The competition

Frankly, if you’re looking for a freaky, buzzword-infused alternative religion promising to expand your mind and empty your wallet, you could at least choose one with its tongue firmly in its cheek.