Spider-Man 3

[“Spider-Man 3” poster art] Apparently directed by Sam Raimi and a large chunk of cheese (an overripe stilton, I think), this is the bum-note finalé, in a hitherto well-made series of films.

Others have commented on how there are too many villains and too many story lines. This is true.

However, what got me was how cliché-ridden and trite it was.

Here’s a fun game to play while watching it: ‘Spot The Cliché’. First one I noticed was Spidey swooping past only to pause in front of a rippling American flag. See if you can spot the rest. Another game is: ‘See If You Can Guess Which Shots Are Homages To Comic Panels Without Having Read The Comic’. Get a comic fan to check your answers.

Also, I never noticed Tobey Maguire being this annoying before. He was a whiny wee twit in this one. He was acting like an arse even before he was infected with the evil Venom magic stuff.

(There is one so-bad-it’s-funny scene where a Scientist is examining the evil Venom magic stuff. The Scientist explained that he’d never seen anything like it before, but that it was some kind of symbiont, and obviously feeds off aggression. If he’d then dramatically raised one eyebrow I would have pissed myself laughing.)

Yeah, so, but Tobey Maguire: crap.

Suspiciously tidy ending, with all of them Forgiving each other: crap.

Stan Lee, in the most cack-handed, badly-acted, badly-scripted, obvious, nudge-so-hard-in-the-ribs-that-they-crack excuse to be able to be able to put “Stan Lee: Himself” in the credits: crap.

Plot: daft.

Bruce Campbell

(Thought I’d give him his own subhead.)


He has a cameo as a sleezy French waiter, and is pure cinematic gold. He should get some kind of comedy Oscar for that.

If I ever produce a film and need a younger John Cleese, by Jiminy I’ll be calling on Bruce Campbell.

Possibly worth the price of admission alone.

Special Effects

Oh, very good. I loved the bit where The Sandman is forming for the first time. He keeps forming, then collapsing, and it looks just like a sandcastle collapsing on the beach, with all the grains kind of avalanching. Lovely.


[Spider-Man gives it the thumbs down] I wasn’t bored (and it is quite a long film), but it just wasn’t very good.

Sub par. Must try better. Shows promise but does not concentrate in class.

Spidey Thumbs down from me.

2 thoughts on “Spider-Man 3

  1. The Baker

    My problem with most of the reviews I’ve read (and I’m including you in this, Mr Forrest) is that they fail to acknowledge several key points,

    (1) The film is aimed at 8 year old boys
    (2) It’s a superhero comic which are by definition clichéd & trite.
    (3) Spidey comics are pure unadulterated soap, always have been. Everything that was up on screen in this can be found 10x hammier in Stan Lee’s writing.

    There are good superhero films – Spidey(s), X-men, Incredibles, etc and rubbish superhero films – Daredevil, FF, etc and here’s how to make sure you make a good one,

    (1) Stick to your source material. Deviation from source annoys fanboys. Case in point: in FF1, Doc Doom and Reed fell out over Sue. No they didn’t! Fuck. Off.
    (2) Don’t take yourself too seriously. Humour pervades Marvel titles, Spidey especially.
    (3) Concentrate on the characters rather than the actors. Case in point: in FF1 Doc Doom spends 99% of his screen time without a mask – why? Cos it’s in the actors contract. Pish!
    (4) It’s a superhero film. Accept it and deal with it. We’re not doing Tolstoy here people.

    I’d put Spidey 3 on about the same level as Ghost Rider. Well made, enjoyable hokum which does the plain and simple job of animating a comic. Thank-you – that’s all I want. I do believe Spidey 2 is probably the high-water mark for this sort of film with only The Incredibles doing a better job.

    I also concede that some of the baggage generated over the previous 2 films did weigh the plot down in this one. If they make Spidey 4 and use either The Lizard or Kraven it should be a much leaner machine.

    How good is the Sandman birth? Raimi knocked that scene clean out the park.

    Lastly, if you can’t tell from the above I *hated* FF1. It shat all over my 4 golden rules – then backed up and shat all over them again. The new one had better be good. Waaaaaaaaaaaay better. They’re taking on the single most famous story arc in Marvel history (first contact with Silver Surfer & Galactus) and by God, they better not fuck it up.

  2. Pix

    I hate to be pedantic but I’d place “The Night Gwen Stacy Died” from Amazing Spider-Man 121 & 122 above the Galactus Trilogy from Fantastic Four 48-50.

    I genuinely loved her.

    Also, I know I’ll get into trouble for writing this but Bryce Dallas Howard was too porky to play Gwen Stacy. She had ankles like a rhino.

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