Watchmen

“Watchmen” (2009) movie posterOoh, fantastic movie. I loved the book, and I loved the film. One of the few that I’d go to see again. It’s increadibly rich in detail and nuance.

It’s also a superhero movie—and a relatively stylised one—which is far more grounded and relevant than the supposed crop of gritty, rebooted things like The Dark Knight. Which is nice.

It ‘works’ in the way that the best fantasies work: it takes an outrageous premise (an alternate 1985 in which Nixon is president, superheros are real, including a man who has been turned into a superman by a nuclear accident), and tells an interesting story.

They have changed one thing from the book: the giant squid at the end is, er, something else in the movie. But it works. (It actually makes a little more sense than the monster in the book, I think.) And thematically, historically and in terms of character, it’s all very faithful to the novel, which is astonishing in itself.

The soundtrack is very 1980s, and rather enjoyable. (Ride of The Valkyries in the Vietnam War sequence is kinda odd—at least to me who hadn’t seen Apocalypse Now.) Richard Nixon was a little less than convincing-looking too. But there’s not much I can criticise it for.

3 thumbs up

Cyborg Beetles Take To The Skies

Have you ever wanted your own army of implacable cyborg beetles?

Oh, come on, you know you have.

Wouldn’t it be great to take a beetle (a), attach a microcontroller (d) with electrodes (e) attached to the beetle’s nervous system and muscles, then control it via wifi (b).

How The Robobeetle WorksAmerican researchers have apparently created a prototype beetleborg and had the poor godless bastard creature fly across a room under the radio control of its maniacal, scheming human masters.

They built it out of a rhinocerous beetle, since they presumably happened to have one lying around. And because rhinocerous beetles are very strong for their size and have scary big horns. (Apparently they are also clean and make good pets too.)

Practical uses for the remote-control zombie insects include surveillance, finding people trapped under rubble and Egyptology.

I like to think that future models could be equipped with enhanced titanium horns which could be used to free hostages and cut telephone cables.

Anyway, this one scores a ‘9’ on my Meddling With Nature-ometer. Impressive, potentially useful, and fucking creepy.

I leave you with this fun fact about rhinocerous beetles from Wikipedia:

Rhinoceros beetles are also the strongest animals on the planet in relation to their own size. They can lift up to 850 times their own weight. To put this into perspective, if a human of average height and weight had the strength of the rhinoceros beetle, he would likely be able to lift a 65 ton object (e.g. an M1 Abrams tank).

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

“Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa” (2008) movie poster Ah yes. It is a truism that no man is an island. Unless his name is Madagascar.

This is a funny little film. Very funny. Rather strange. Ultimately entertaining (and a little bit exasperating).

I didn’t like the original Madagascar much. I just didn’t get whether the characters were supposed to be animals-as-metaphors-for-humans (in which case they spent too much time trying to eat each other for my liking), or ‘real’ animals with human voices (in which case why the hell did the lion not eat the zebra a lot earlier?).

This just abandons all notion of realism or actual animal behaviour. It’s all just completely bizarre. All of the characters basically exist to set up the gags. Fortunately it’s really, really funny, in a completely stupid way. Continue reading

A Matter of Loaf And Death

“A Matter of Life And Death” (2008) movie poster Ah, yes, Wallace & Grommit, possibly the best dog-and-human comedy act since… ever.

This new one (a cereal killer is slicing up bakers just when Wallace & Grommit open their bakery, Top Bun), is well done. Not quite as flawless as The Wrong Trousers or The Curse of The Ware-Rabbit, but very funny.

It’s a little rushed is the only thing. While The Wrong Trousers managed to fit an entire B-Movie into half an hour, perfectly executed, and The Curse of The Ware-Rabbit successfully filled a feature-length 90 minutes (well, 85), without feeling flabby, this one feels slightly rushed, and a little unfinished.

What would be lovely would be if Aardman extended it into a full-length feature. It doesn’t need too much more story, but with more time they could build up a bit more tension, flesh out Wallace’s infatuation with Piella, reveal her villainy more gradually, and give us a proper coda at the end.

God, I’m a moany git. It is still, a lovely, lovely film and you should watch it, forthwith.

Removing nulls from Scala, some thoughts

I’ve written one or two small pieces of software in the new upstart programming language Scala, and I love it. It takes all of what is good and right about Java and C#, removes a lot of the cruft, and introduces powerful new bits from modern functional languages. It’s a pleasure to write in.

Unfortunately there is one of the bits of cruft from C#/Java which is still there: the concept of ‘null’—a value which can legally be assigned to any reference type, but which causes an exception if you try to dereference it. It’s an ugly carbuncle on the type system, but, for compatability reasons, it’s never yet been removed.

Here I present one way of ridding the Scala world of nulls—whilst remaining compatible and efficient. I wish for World Peace and for this to be implemented in Scala 3…

[If you don’t care about programming, type systems and language implementation, I heartily suggest you skip this article. I’ll review a film soon. Promise.]

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