Category Archives: Everything else

Dr Who turns Universe into Cheese

I just watched The Stolen Earth (first episode of the two-parter Doctor Who season 4 finalé).


What a stinking cheese platter of overripe dramatic stilton.

Personally I lay full blame at the feet of series godfather and cheesemonger in residence, Russell T. Davies. Gaping plot-holes, magical mobile phones which work across the Universe, a key plot-point straight out of Lawnmower Man, pretentious, overblown orchestration, and seemingly an attempt to jam every single character and monster from the last 4 seasons, into a bloated 45 minutes of Whovian fanboy masturbation.

I liked one bit: the bit near the end, when Rose and The Doctor see each other for the first time in ages. That was lovely. However almost immediately afterwards the spell was broken, when they ran toward each other in a comically overextended ‘lovers’ cinematic run’ sequence which seemed to go on for about 5 minutes, (before a clichéd fucking Dalek clichédly shoots The Doctor, then a just-in-the-nick-of-clichéd-time Captain Clichéd Jack appears and clichédly shoots the Dalek).

And the Daleks… Basically they keep coming back from the dead in increasingly creative ways, just in time to threaten the Earth at the end of each season of Doctor Who. They’ve turned from a sinister surprise into an expected, end of season Very Special Guest Star.

Subspace WavesUgh. There’s only one way to save the Universe: quick, everybody dial The Doctor’s mobile phone number (07700 900461*—you may want to take a note of it in case your planet is ever in danger), thus boosting the subspace frequencies, routing it through every telephone exchange in the UK (which has the effect of, erm, not completely clogging the network, apparently), and causing big RKO-style circles to propagate out through space, thus alerting The Doctor that The Earth has been ‘hidden’ 1 second back in time. (Oddly, given that the TARDIS routinely pops back and forth in time by millennia, going back in time by 1 second causes the camera to shake and things to go on fire in a very dramatic manner.)

I can understand that Russell T. wanted to go out with a bang (he’s retiring as head writer), but he really should have smoked less crack while knocking off this piece of trite, disjointed, nonsensical, overblown, masturbatory, illogical, incoherent bollocks.

* Actually, I just tried phoning it. “This number is not recognised.” Thanks Doctor. (He must have changed his provider and not bothered moving his number over. Bloody disorganised Timelord.)

A Decade of Blog

Well, there you go. Just noticed that the last blog post I posted was posted more or less 10 years since I blogged my first blog post. Way back in 1997. That’s ten whole years of posting shite on the Internet. I would do more of it, you know, but really, I don’t know where the time goes.



Yay. Go, distributed citizen-journalism! Back (Again)

Yeah, the wee server which was running finally gave up the ghost at the very end of January (it was an ancient, recycled desktop machine and the disk—and probably most of the rest of it—was a bit dodgy) and I only got around to setting up its replacement tonight.

The replacement is a tiny, silent home server, about the size of a hard disk. I’m wondering if it’s up to the task now, since it doesn’t seem to be the fastest thing in the universe.

Anyway, I’m blogging again, and for that you can be thankful. Or whatever.

I’m popular!

I think has really hit the big-time now!

I just had to delete 17 spam comments, advertising ‘Phentermine’ (a diet pill similar to amphetamine, apparently) and gay sex (when two chaps of the same gender shag, apparently).

So that must mean that somebody is reading me!

(Oh, and one comment from Mr 1, daring to disagree with my opinions concerning the Co-op’s cheese-of-the-gods Wensleydale with Cranberries.) (I didn’t delete it though, 1.)