It’s Just A Flesh Wound!

[“Revenge of The Sith” poster art][Cue heavy breathing and tight-fitting leather uniforms.]

Yes, it’s George Lucas’s latest installment of his Star Saga.

Now Episode I was laughably bad shite, Episode II (Send In The Clones) was marginally better, and initial reviews indicate that Episode III may actually be watchable. However something caught my eye from a generally positive review by Kevin Smith:

[…] after cutting his legs and arm off, [Obi Wan Kenobi] leaves [Anakin] Skywalker* burning alive on the shores of a lava river, with Anakin spitting venomous sentiments at his departing mentor), this flick is so satisfyingly tragic, you’ll think you’re watching “Othello” or “Hamlet”.

(* Anakin Skywalker = Darth Vader for those of you struggling to keep up.)

I understand that Lucas cleverly uses archetypes and heroic myth to plot his films… but it sounds like he’s been more recently referring to Terry Gilliam (himself no mean exponent of folklorish archetypes). Remember that bit in Monty Python And The Holy Grail? The bit where Arthur, after cutting the Black Knight’s legs and arms off, leaves him spitting venomous sentiments at his departing tormentor?

Here’s a bit from the actual script which rather proves my point:
OBI WAN: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
DARTH VADER: ’Tis but a scratch.
OBI WAN: A scratch? Your arm’s off!
DARTH VADER: No, it isn’t.
OBI WAN: Well, what’s that then?
DARTH VADER: I’ve had worse.
OBI WAN: You liar!
DARTH VADER: Come on you pansy!

9 thoughts on “It’s Just A Flesh Wound!

  1. Iain

    Oh, that’s right, spoil the bloody film for the rest of us!

    Unlike the right honorable Mr Grumpy, I do not consider episodes I & II utter shite, in fact they are both highly enjoyable romps which have considerable merit. The bandwagon-jumpers would have us believe that these 2 films were akin in quality to Mexican soap operas, which is frankly ridiculous. Compared to the vast majority of Hollywood produced crapola, they are wildly entertaining top-notch Cinema.

    Get some perspective, Forrest. I hold no truck with your nay-saying!

  2. Andrew Post author

    “wildly entertaining”?

    I’d say more like “mawkish slosh”; the dreadful scripting of the originals, but without the zest and acting energy, and with the addition of some truly out-of-genre, childish ‘humour’ and misguided attempts at ‘cuteness’.

    If I wanted ‘cuteness’ I’d rent “My Little Pony’s Special Animated Christmas Adventure”.

    Lightsabres, George! And po-faced delivery of creaky action-adventure dialogue, with epic special effects! That’s what I want. (Not ‘cuteness’.)

  3. Iain

    Sorry, Mr Forrest, if you want 3 hours of gory duelling you should go and rent the Kurosawa epics that these things were based on in the first place.

    Star Wars was written for 10 year old boys and ‘cute’ has always been a key ingredient. Just because you’ve outgrown them and have no inner child left in that soulless shell of yours, don’t take it out on the rest of the world.

    I can assure you: 10 year olds love Episode I every bit as much as you enjoyed Episode IV 25 years ago

  4. Andrew Post author

    Ewoks are cool. I have nothing against Ewoks. And Wookies just happen to be hairy; they’re not cute.

    The kind of ‘cuteness’ I strongly object to is Jake Lloyd’s innane cooing as he improbably flies a spacecraft. At 6 years old. Or Jar-Jar Binks doing ‘amusing’ pratfalls, and avoiding laser beams the Norman Wisdom way, while all around him others are losing their limbs gruesomely.

    It just… jars.

    [Pun not intended. Batteries not included.]

  5. Iain Smith

    Ewoks are cool
    Well that’s the kind of reasoned argument that I like.

    And, just for the record, exactly what kind of noises would you be emitting should you ever happen to find yourself piloting a starship?

    *grudging bonus point for crowbarring Norman Wisdom into a Star Wars debate*

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  7. Pix


    I think that says it all really.

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