Apparently Princess Diana went weak at the knees and wet in the pants when she first met David Hasslehoff—and who can blame her?

“Did sparks fly when Diana met Hasselhoff?”, Daily Mail, 13 September 2006

I can do naught but admire both his rugged good looks, but also his increadible restraint.

The painful thing is, I can see the whole scene play out in my mind’s eye, like some kind of mash-up 1980s montage: the People’s Princess and Michael Knight, together, for one terrible, wonderful, forbidden night of increadibly kitchy love.

There would have been leopard-print bedspreads and Gucci handbags. His magnificent chest-hair would have glistened under the paperazzi flashbulbs as she giggled and blushed her way to climax.

Ah! What might have been!