Have a need to drench your hands/face/exposed skin in something which looks like blood but which isn’t? Try this recipe for dark, gloopy, very glossy blood, which is edible, washes off, and is (fairly) non-drip.

Recipe is slightly modified from one kindly provided by neo-burlesque performer Mynxie Monroe.

To make a little over ½ litre of blood you will need:

• 2 bottles of Sainsbury’s own-brand summer fruit ice cream sauce
• 4 bottles of supermarket own-brand red liquid food colouring
• A dash of black liquid food colouring
• Sachet of flan glaze mixture

To prepare:

1. Pour all the ingredients into a saucepan.
2. You can dribble a little water into the emptied bottles of sauce, slosh it around to get the last of the sauce out, and pour that in too.
3. As per the flan glaze instructions, heat, while stirring constantly. (You want to ensure that you break up the powder, and mix everything together.)
4. Bring (just) to the boil, while stirring.
5. Cool, stirring occasionally. You can cool the saucepan more quickly by sitting it in a bath of cold water. The blood should become gelatinous as it cools.
6. Refrigerate til needed

To use:

1. Liberally apply to hands.
2. Spatter on arms.
3. Witter on about how all great Neptune’s oceans will never wash off the blood.
4. Afterwards, wash off in warm water (no need for soap)

Probably best to keep refrigerated when not in use, for hygiene reasons.

It apparently washes out of fabrics fine. (Though I haven’t tested this, and you should almost certainly test it on anything you plan on dripping it over.)

Variants:

The original recipe omitted the flan glaze and black food colouring, making it a) runnier and b) redder, giving a nice ‘fresh blood’ look. Ideal for dribbling over people and things.

The version presented here, is thicker, and less drippy, though it does settle into realistic-looking rivulets. Ideal for that ‘just stabbed a king to death and got blood all over my hands—will they ever be clean?’ kind of a look.